The Legend of Beckerman

Author. Journalist. Luscious Beacon of Truth.

 

The Short Version

Marty Beckerman is a journalist, screenwriter, 5’6″ Jewish aspiring fitness model, and #1 Amazon.com bestselling humorist (MTV Books, St. Martin’s Press) who wrote his first ridiculous book at age 16 and is equally mature today.

A former editor at Esquire and MTV News, Marty has contributed to the New York Times, Wired, the AtlanticPlayboy, CBS Interactive, HuffPostMaxim, the Daily Beast, Mental Floss, and many other publications in his dying industry. He has appeared on MSNBC and Fox News Channel, both of which should be illegal. In 2003 Hunter S. Thompson called him a “morbid little bastard,” which Marty considers the greatest compliment of his life.

He lives in Los Angeles with his wife and their cat and Netflix. He also lives in the ’90s.

The Version Nobody Is Ever Going to Read

 

Born and raised in tropical Anchorage, Alaska, Marty got his start as a teenage humor columnist at the Anchorage Daily News in the late ’90s, poking fun at the tribulations of adolescent life. He earned $15 per week, which is still better than most working journalists today.

In 2000 Marty spent his bar mitzvah funds collecting his cynical, virginal rants into a book, Death to All Cheerleaders. (He probably needed therapy?) It went viral on the early internet, shipping one thousand copies out of his parents’ basement and getting banned at high schools throughout the country, which seemed very badass at the time. Teen People was set to list Marty as one of its “People Under 18 Who Will Change the World,” but he turned 18 a month before publication. True story. And this is why he never changed the world.

Nevertheless, the editor-in-chief of New York Press interviewed Marty (“a very precocious smart-ass… the Lenny Bruce of his generation”), which caught the attention of various publishing titans and led to a deal with MTV Books for another tome inspired by how Marty couldn’t get laid to save his life. HBO Films optioned the movie rights in 2004, and the rush of success perhaps went to our hero’s young head a wee bit.

[Insert montage of booze, drugs, groupies of all genders—okay, mostly just booze—and pissing off everybody in East Coast media, none of whom felt eager to work with an egomaniacal, train-wreck college student for some mysterious reason.]

 

After falling from grace and landing in a pool of his own vomit, Marty was reduced to self-publishing again. Fortunately, his satirical guide to masculinity based on the life and works of Ernest Hemingway, which every major publisher had rejected, hit #1 on Amazon.com for parody in 2011, scoring press from USA Today (“laugh-out-loud”), MSNBC, and the Los Angeles Times front page. It soon received a second edition from St. Martin’s Press.

Arisen like a phoenix, Marty was back in the game, baby! He had lost everything and clawed his way back to the top, wiser, soberer, and marginally less obnoxious. Business Insider even named him “the most famous author from Alaska,” but c’mon, are there any others?

In 2016 Marty moved from New York to Los Angeles, determined to break into Hollywood; the good news is that he hasn’t sold his body to the adult entertainment industry yet. Speaking of which, he got super into fitness in his thirties second twenties, annoying social media followers with beefcake pics daily. Here’s a couple:

 

Not bad, huh? Huh?! APPROVAL… I NEED APPROVAL, ALL OF IT. THIS IS MY WEBSITE AND I CAN BE SHIRTLESS AS MANY TIMES AS I WANT.

So what does the future hold for our bold scribe and modern-day prophet? What doesn’t it hold? Stay tuned to discover how this semi-grown, astonishingly insecure man will revolutionize literature yet again and bring even more shame upon himself (“He’s not so bad if you get to know him” —Marty’s mom).