America's Sexxxiest Journalist... Humanity's Luscious Beacon of Truth

A humorist and truth-teller from Alaska who has written for Esquire, Playboy, Salon and the Daily Beast. Hunter S. Thompson once called him a "morbid little bastard."

Full Bio: The Legend of Beckerman »
Rants & Bitching

Screw this. Screw that. Screw everything. And screw you.

Anti-Journalism

The never-ending pursuit of truth and/or sexual humiliation.

The Teenage Years

Marty forever redefined the word “prodigy.” (Also: “misanthropic.”)

Bloody Abortions

Awkward Q&As. Godawful song lyrics. Various failures.

Naughty Videos

Live performances, TV appearances, and other delights.

The Nerve Posts
The Nerve Posts

Marty's contributions to the legendary sex and pop-culture website's news blog.

Tales of a Groomzilla
Tales of a Groomzilla

OK, I’ll admit it: I have become a groomzilla, the increasingly common (and dreaded) masculine version of a micromanaging bride.

9/11/11
9/11/11

Panic and paranoia became the national conversation, became the foreign policy, became the consensus reality.

For Whom the Beer Flows
For Whom the Beer Flows

Hemingway could drink God under the table. An excerpt from Marty's new book, The Heming Way.

How to Make a Phone Call (in the Age of Facebook)
How to Make a Phone Call (in the Age of Facebook)

It’s downright offensive to call people now, because you’re wasting precious time they could use to play on the Internet. A primer for how to talk with the ones closest to you.

Penis Enlargement Surgery: Not a Good Idea
Penis Enlargement Surgery: Not a Good Idea

This might surprise you if you’ve never received spam in your inbox, but nearly 50 percent of men wish they had a bigger member. (That must be a terrible affliction for you poor bastards; I feel your pain, except that I don’t.)

Why Men Love Charlie Sheen
Why Men Love Charlie Sheen

This was written in the week that he was cool and hilarious. Before he ruined his own joke with lame webcasts and a botched standup tour. Losing.

Dispatches from the Air Sex World Championships
Dispatches from the Air Sex World Championships

To many of the competitors it’s not a joke whatsoever. A touching profile of a no-touch sport.

My Day on a Porn Set
My Day on a Porn Set

You can only watch two people get it on for so long before it grows tedious. And unsavory.

My Day in Jeggings
My Day in Jeggings

If you wear these things in public, you might want a lawyer to explain the local indecent exposure laws.